In this month’s Ask a Therapist, we’re joined by The Expansive Group therapist and coach Laurel Galford, LCSW (she/her), who shares about the grief and connection that’s possible during life transitions. The responses on our blog segment “Ask A Therapist” are not therapy, medical advice, or crisis management.  

My friends are getting married and having babies, and I seem to be the only one not doing those things. I feel lonely and left out, and even though I reach out to them, I miss my friends being more reciprocal. What can I do?

Dear Reader, 

I love that you’ve asked this question because I know so many readers will relate to you. 

It can be disorienting to look around and realize that many of your friends are entering new life stages while your own path looks different. Even when you genuinely feel happy for them, it makes sense to be feeling left behind, disconnected, or unsure where you fit.

As your friends move into new life chapters, dynamics will evolve. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being left behind, it may just mean life is changing for everyone. It's okay to feel both happy for them and sad for yourself. 

Multiple Feelings Can Exist At Once 

When everyone around you seems to be hitting major life milestones, it can stir up a complicated mix of feelings. You might feel proud and happy for your friends, while also feeling a little invisible or uncertain about where you fit. Laurel shared that these emotions are understandable and okay. Our culture puts a lot of pressure on the “next steps” in life, and if you’re not in that same place (or don’t even want to be), it’s easy to feel like the odd one out.

The truth is, there’s no one right way to build a life. Every path, whether it involves partnership, parenting, travel, creative pursuits, or self-discovery, is equally meaningful. 

How to Cope When Friendships Shift 

When friendships shift, it’s normal to grieve the version of the relationship that once was. Laurel encourages clients to let themselves feel the full range of emotions: sadness, curiosity, even joy for their friends’ new chapters. Grief doesn’t mean something has gone wrong; it means something meaningful has changed.

Sometimes, you’ll need to be the one to reach out first or name what’s changed. Talking about it with someone you trust, like a therapist, friend, or family member, can help make sense of the loss and open up space for new forms of connection.‍

How To Stay Connected With Friends 

If your friendships feel less reciprocal lately, try to communicate that gently. Laurel suggested acknowledging both your love for your friends and your desire to reconnect. Something as simple as, “I miss spending time with you. Can we find a day soon to catch up?” can go a long way.

It’s also worth remembering that a lack of reciprocity doesn’t always mean your friends don’t care. Often, it’s a reflection of the stage of life they’re in. Major life transitions, like getting married, having kids, or moving, can be all-consuming. They may be navigating new responsibilities, adjusting to changing priorities, or simply running on less energy and time than before. Laurel noted that many people in these transitions still value their friendships deeply but struggle to show up in the same ways they used to.

Nevertheless, you’re feeling hurt and disconnected. It’s nice to bring this up sooner rather than later. The longer you sit in sadness and disappointment, the more resentment can build. When you approach these conversations with warmth rather than resentment, it opens the door for closeness to return. Many friends who are adjusting to new roles (like becoming parents or partners) are often feeling the shift, too. They may be missing you just as much.

Here are some texts you can consider sending:

“Hi! There’s so many big and exciting changes happening in your life! I love seeing it all. And I also miss you <3 Is there a time coming up that you’re free to hangout? We can make it short and casual. I know you’re busy with all these transitions.”

Or:

“Hey! I’ve been thinking about how we used to get together and grab a coffee and catch up. I’m wondering if you have time in the next couple of weeks to do that again? I would really love to reconnect soon!”

Find Connection and Fulfillment Outside of These Friendships.

Laurel emphasized how important it is to stay connected to what lights you up. Hobbies, interests, and community spaces can be grounding during times of change, and they’re often where you’ll meet others who are in a similar stage of life.

Friendships can evolve over time, and there’s always room to form new ones. If loneliness creeps in, consider expanding your circles. Look into local adult sports leagues, open mic nights, and nature groups. 

(Tip: I know meetup.com seems a bit vintage but it does connect likeminded people together. Go type in your interests over there and see what happens.)

It’s okay to redirect your energy toward people whose lives align more closely with yours right now. Laurel reminded me that friendship is fluid! You can love and support old friends while still seeking new community.

Looking for Support? We’re Here For You.

Designing your life and relationships can be joyous and overwhelming. If you’re looking for extra support, we’ve got a team of therapists and coaches who can provide the tools and space to explore this further. All of our offerings are affirming of neurodiversity and multicultural identities, are affirming of sex and non-traditional relationship structures, and are supportive of queer and trans identities.

You can connect with one of our therapists or coaches using our intake form. We offer individual and relationship support. In addition, check back regularly for support group openings where you can be in community while healing. 

Have questions for a therapist? Want to see it answered in our Ask A Therapist column? Submit your question here!

Picture Credit: Feel Good