Congratulations! You've made it! Welcome to dildo island, butt plug utopia, vibrator station, pleasure plaza — aka the world of sex toys.

If you've clicked on this article, you've likely been feeling a bit curious lately — curious about how you can be receiving more pleasure during intimacy. That's a huge step, so props to you!

You also may be here because you're feeling a little shy, silly, nervous maybe? That is more than ok! Unfortunately, we live in a world where taboo runs rampant and being truthful about our desires or interests can take a lot of guts. We are told to shy away from our pleasure and to only talk about it behind closed doors if at all.

But let's be clear: You deserve to fulfill your desires, to try new things, to find out what your body is capable of, and you deserve to do it with an understanding partner.

Bringing up using sex toys in the bedroom can be difficult for many reasons. For starters, you have to be forthright about what you want—which already takes courage. Then comes the vulnerable part: actually having that conversation with your partner and hoping they'll meet you with openness and curiosity rather than judgment or dismissal. 

It's natural to worry about how they'll react, whether they'll think you're dissatisfied, or if they'll feel threatened. But introducing toys isn't about replacing them—it's about enhancing your intimacy together. The conversation itself can be an act of trust, bringing you closer as you explore new dimensions of pleasure as a team.

There are plenty of ways to bring this up. We've broken down three solid approaches below—feel free to mix, match, or make them your own based on what feels natural for you.

Approach #1: How to Casually Bring Up Sex Toys with a Partner

Maybe you're worried your partner might feel a little threatened or insecure about bringing toys into the bedroom. You can still bring up the conversation by keeping it casual and curiosity-driven. Share an article you read, a social media post that popped up on your feed, or a specific product that caught your eye. Frame it gently with phrases like:

• "I thought this was interesting"
• "I'd love to try this out one day"
• "I came across this and it made me curious about what it would feel like for us"

One great way to ease into this conversation is by browsing together. Online sex toy retailers create safe, affirming spaces for exploration, making them a low-pressure starting point. One of our favorite retailers is Love and Lust. You could pull up a specific toy—like the Dame Aer Suction Toy and say something like:

• "I thought this suction sensation would be interesting to try"
• "I'm curious how this would feel for us"
• "What do you think about exploring something like this together?"

The beauty of this approach is that it opens the door without kicking it down. You're planting a seed and letting the conversation unfold naturally from there. See where your curiosity takes you together.

Approach #2: Making Sex Toys a Shared Adventure with a Partner

If you and your partner already do regular check-ins or date nights, use one of those connected moments as your opening. When you're already feeling close and have space for deeper conversation, it's the perfect time to bring up wanting to explore something new together. The key here is emphasizing the word “together.”

Frame it as a shared adventure, something you're both curious about discovering. You might suggest picking out something as a fun, collaborative activity. Focus on enhancement and added pleasure, not on fixing anything that feels "broken" or lacking. This is about making what's already good even better, not “fixing” anything. 

Sex educator and Marketing Manager at Love & Lust Tara Jones recommends these beginner-friendly sex toys:

• NassToys Blaze Bendable Suction Massager – For folks new to toys, I usually suggest starting with softer sensations like suction, then working up to something rumblier if that’s your vibe. This bendable suction toy is great because you can explore multiple sensations in one. The flexible end can be used internally or externally and even wrapped around different body parts.
• Maia Novelties Jaguar Bullet – Bullet vibrators are often people’s first introduction to toys since they’re typically more affordable, compact, and provide focused stimulation. They’re a great way to figure out exactly where you enjoy sensation most.
• VeDO Strap On –A solid beginner-friendly strap-on that can be worn by anyone, with the added bonus of vibration for extra stimulation.
• Love and Lust Beginner Booty Bundle – Butt plugs often come in sets, which is ideal for beginners. You can explore different sizes and shapes to learn what feels most comfortable and pleasurable for you. This bundle comes complete with lube and toy cleaner.

Approach #3: Being Straightforward About Wanting to Try Sex Toys With a Partner 

Choose a comfortable, relaxed moment and just say what's on your mind. Try something like: 

• "Hey, I've been thinking... would you be interested in trying out butt plugs together? I think it could be really fun, and it's something I'd love to explore with you."

It will likely be helpful to then share your why with your partner. Are you craving more pleasure for both of you? Curious about new sensations? Wanting to add variety to your routine? Being specific helps your partner understand this isn't coming from dissatisfaction—it's coming from a desire to experience even more together. For example: 

• “I haven’t experienced much anal play before and I’m super interested in the sensation. Plus, I think it would be really hot if you put one in me.” 

If you want to make things even easier, suggest shopping together on a site like Love and Lust, where you can explore options designed with queer bodies and relationships in mind. 

Whether it's strap-ons and harnesses, gender-affirming toys, or versatile vibes for all bodies, having inclusive options makes the conversation and the exploration feel much more affirming.

At the end of every conversation, make sure to make space for them. Invite them to share their honest thoughts, any hesitations they might have, and their boundaries.

If the Conversation Doesn't Go As Planned

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your partner might not be on the same page. If they express hesitation, discomfort, or disinterest, try not to take it personally. Their response isn't a rejection of you; it might be about their own insecurities, past experiences, or simply needing more time to warm up to the idea. 

Give them space to process, and let them know the door is open whenever they feel ready to revisit the conversation. If it becomes clear that this is a boundary for them, respect it. Your desires are valid, and so are theirs. 

Sometimes compatibility means finding compromise, and other times it means having honest conversations about what you both need to feel fulfilled. If you're struggling to navigate this together, talking with a therapist—especially one who specializes in sex and relationships—can help you both feel heard and supported.

We’re Here For You

If you’re looking for extra support, we’ve got a team of therapists and coaches who can provide the tools and space to explore this further. All of our offerings are affirming of neurodiversity and multicultural identities, are affirming of sex and non-traditional relationship structures, and are supportive of queer and trans identities.

You can connect with one of our therapists or coaches using our intake form. 

Picture Credit: Nobody Wants This

This article is sponsored by Love and Lust. The Expansive Group does not receive commission from purchases.