In this month’s Ask a Therapist, I’ll suggest some ways you can customize the wintertime to meet your ideal mix of festivity, coziness, and nostalgia. The responses on our blog segment “Ask A Therapist” are not therapy, medical advice, or crisis management.  

Wintertime can hold a lot of memories. It can bring up feelings of loss and belonging. A lot of the queer folks we work with at The Expansive Group find themselves feeling conflicted around the holidays. We crave the coziness, the nostalgia, the lights and rituals, but those same rituals can be tied to family dynamics that hurt us, religious frameworks we’ve left, or childhoods where we didn’t feel free to be ourselves.

If you relate, you might find yourself mourning the childhood you wish you had, longing for connection, or feeling a sense of emptiness and confusion this time of year. The good news is: you’re able to rewrite and rebuild what the end-of-the-year means to you.

Here are a few questions to help you explore what new rituals might look like for you. We’ll expand on each of these throughout the article.

• What parts of my childhood holiday traditions do I miss?
• When I was a kid, what did I wish I could do in the wintertime?
• Where is a place I’ve always wanted to travel to? How do they celebrate in the winter? How can I incorporate parts of their traditions into my life?
• How can my ethnic background inspire my holiday traditions?
• What colors remind me of this time of year?

What Parts Of My Childhood Holiday Traditions Do I Miss?

Growing up, was there a dessert or meal at grandma’s house that you’d feel super excited for? Apple pie? Macaroni and cheese? Did you love watching The Christmas Story with your cousins, while wearing your new pajamas? These fond memories give you insight into what your body still craves for comfort, connection, and ritual. It’s time to make some homemade mac n cheese and enjoy it while you’re watching TV in your new PJs.

When I Was A Kid, What Did I Wish I Could Do In The Wintertime?

I wished I could eat more cookies on Christmas Eve. And… Now I can! Maybe you wished you could wear sparkly dresses and weren’t allowed to, or maybe you’d feel envy toward the kids who’d go ice skating during winter break.

Let the dreamy child within you help create your new holiday traditions. The things that made you feel comfortable and playful then, may still be the same now!

Where Is A Place I’ve Always Wanted To Travel To?

We’re not asking this question with the expectation that you’ll go to this place. We’re asking this question for some inspiration. Look into the traditions and festivities in the country that’s on your dream-travel list. 

Have you always wanted to go to Japan? Eat soba noodles on New Year’s Eve! Have you been waiting to travel to Brazil? Listen to a Brazilian Jazz playlist in the mornings.

How Can My Ethnic Background Inspire My Holiday Traditions?

Similar to the previous question, Google may be helpful here. As an Iranian-American, I’ve learned that pomegranates and poetry are symbols of the winter solstice. Even though pomegranates are pricey, I make sure to get one or two every winter. I de-seed them while listening to the music my grandma would listen to when she’d cook.

If your family immigrated here long ago and you feel disconnected from your ancestry and ethnicity, this is a great opportunity to build a bit of that connection. If all you know is that your great-great-great grandfather came here from Lithuania… that information, and Google, is all you need!

What Colors Remind Me Of This Time Of Year?

Name a few and start incorporating those into your life. Dark blue and turquoise reminds me of the cold air. Red and yellow remind me of the decorations outside. What about you?

Whatever your answer is—wear those colors this month! Paint your nails. Print out a mandala coloring page and use those colored pencils.

Want Someone To Process The Holidays With? We’re Here For You.

Crafting your life can be joyous and overwhelming. If you’re looking for extra support, we’ve got a team of therapists and coaches who can provide the tools and space to explore this further. All of our offerings are affirming of neurodiversity and multicultural identities, are affirming of sex and non-traditional relationship structures, and are supportive of queer and trans identities.

You can connect with one of our therapists or coaches using our intake form. We offer individual and relationship support. In addition, check back regularly for support group openings where you can be in community while healing. 

Have questions for a therapist? Want to see it answered in our Ask A Therapist column? Submit your question here!

Picture Credit: Carol