Between the election, climate change, and the seemingly endless stream of devastating news, there's a lot to feel overwhelmed about right now.

Maybe you've found yourself doomscrolling, getting angry at strangers on the internet, or avoiding the news altogether. Maybe you're feeling frustrated, numb, anxious, or just plain exhausted. Maybe it's a murky combination of all of them.

Extreme weather events are increasing, and this year’s Super el Niño has already devastated many communities. It was 84° in Chicago in the third week of October, and it’s nice to see that people are enjoying the weather while also devastating to think of the rapidly shifting climate, and what that means for us and future generations.

When so much of what's happening in the world feels outside our control, it can be hard to know what to do with all the emotions that come with it, or how to keep them from consuming us.

As a therapist working with clients navigating these same feelings, I want to share why we can feel so overwhelmed by the state of the world, how we tend to cope, and how radical acceptance can help us find a way forward without ignoring what's happening around us.

Why Does Everything Feel So Overwhelming?

When we're overwhelmed by things outside our control, we naturally turn to familiar coping mechanisms to protect ourselves from uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes that means avoiding the news altogether. Other times, we might throw ourselves into work, distract ourselves with endless scrolling, or even turn to substance use. But there's another coping mechanism that often goes under the radar: cynicism.

When we're constantly confronted with injustice, uncertainty, and suffering, it can feel easier to assume that nothing will ever get better than to hold onto hope and risk being disappointed.

Cynicism can feel protective in the moment, but it can also leave us feeling even more helpless about the things we wish we could change.

My first introduction to radical acceptance came during a challenging time of life, a time when I felt disconnected from my body, my values, and my intuition. Why should I accept the constant pain and injustice that I witness every day, in person or via my phone? Cynicism and hopelessness seem like a safer bet.

And honestly, it makes sense to feel cynical! It makes sense to avoid the feelings and thoughts that come up as we witness atrocities everywhere, every day. It’s painful to spend any longer than a second reflecting on the existential threat of climate collapse. It’s frustrating to think about the harm caused to people and the justice they will never see. And, we can handle it. 

‍What Is Radical Acceptance in Dialectical Behavior Therapy? 

Radical acceptance is the difference between pain and suffering, according to the creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Marsha Linehan. Simply put it’s, “accepting the world the way it is, not the way we wish it was”. 

It can also be helpful to start by identifying what radical acceptance is not. 

Radical acceptance is not “giving up” or a sign of failure or weakness. It is not an expression of forgiveness for harm done to us. It is not toxic positivity. It is not a “one-and-done” thing. 

‍How to Practice Radical Acceptance When Life Feels Out of Control

When I first learned about the concept, I assumed I could just “do it” and then be done, because what an annoying skill! Alas, there are steps around radical acceptance that make it easier to practice when I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed.

Let’s use climate change as an example:The vast majority of humans understand that it’s real, and also understand that as individuals, we don’t have the same sway as, let’s say, some tech billionaires? Many have noticed that “once-in-a-lifetime” weather events seem to happen almost weekly. There are several studies showing, however, that radical acceptance actually allows for more hope, more expansiveness. Many climate activists have shared messages of hope, reminding us that Hope is a Discipline. 

So what does that look like?

• Step 1: Observe my resistance to reality without judgment. For example, when I walk through the park in my neighborhood, there is litter everywhere. I might think, “Nobody cares about this planet or our well-being,” or “Everyone is so lazy.” I try to notice these thoughts without judging myself for having them. I also keep an eye out for all-or-nothing statements, which are often a sign of black-and-white thinking.
• Step 2: Remind myself that the unpleasant reality is just as it is. Instead of focusing on how things should be, I acknowledge what's actually happening. I might even say out loud, “There is a ton of litter in the park right now.” That’s already one step closer to acceptance.
• Step 3: Recognize that there are specific causes for reality. Rather than placing blame on any one person or system, I remind myself that there are multiple factors contributing to the situation. Understanding that reality has causes can help me move away from judgment and toward acceptance.

The rest of the steps lay a framework for “accepting with my whole self”. It often starts off by faking it till I make it, or “acting as if”. I might ask, “What would the version of me who has accepted this reality do/say/think?”. I might take time to go outside, do a body scan, or get super intentional about my self-care routine. This is also where I ask “what would change if I were to accept this”?

Sometimes radical acceptance doesn’t feel accessible, and that’s ok. Sometimes, a cold brew and a half hour of venting to my girlfriend are enough to get me through the day. Sometimes, emotions feel too intense to engage with and I need to move energy through my body in a different way. It can be challenging to identify the times that radical acceptance will or will not be effective, but in my experience, it’s worth trying. 

‍What Does Radical Acceptance Look Like in Everyday Life?

Radical acceptance doesn’t always have to be existential. 

Traffic at 11am on a Saturday for no reason? Radical acceptance. Date ghosted after 4 amazing hangs? Radical acceptance. My instacart shopper couldn’t find almond milk and substituted with a single potato? Radical acceptance!

It can be as simple as accepting the fact that living in a major city means having to manage sensory overload pretty much all the time. Ambulances and firetrucks, for me, are particularly activating. And, I have a choice!

If I want to stay angry, I can stay angry. I can yell at the sirens and grit my teeth and hope that they figure out another, less grating way to get other drivers out of the way.

I could get earplugs or noise cancelling headphones and wear them while walking in the busier parts of my city. I could practice grounding techniques or make a calming playlist for when I feel shaken up. 

How Can We Accept Reality Without Giving Up on Change?

Another way I like to think about radical acceptance is through tarot. The Tethered One, formerly known as The Hanged Man, is a wonderful metaphor for this practice.

The Tethered One is about being willing to sit with uncertainty. Part of what feels gratifying about anger and cynicism is the illusion of control they offer. But the reality is that if we want anything to change, we have to accept what is.

The card reminds us that the only constant is change. Sometimes, slowing down and sitting with discomfort can help us find clarity rather than constantly fighting against what's happening.

Questions to ask ourselves:

• What is one thing in my day-to-day life that I have deemed unacceptable?
• What would it be like to challenge that certainty?
• What does it mean for me to accept painful realities?

There are situations that are unacceptable that we should not have to practice acceptance around. Systemic oppression and marginalization are damaging and life-threatening, and by no means am I suggesting that anyone practice accepting dehumanization or abuse.

You Don't Have to Navigate an Overwhelming World Alone

Therapy can offer a space to process overwhelming emotions, make sense of what you're feeling, and explore healthier ways to cope with uncertainty. You don't have to wait until things feel unmanageable to ask for support.

At The Expansive Group, our queer-affirming therapists can help you navigate anxiety, stress, and difficult life experiences while building tools to feel more grounded in an uncertain world.

Feeling overwhelmed? Connect with a therapist at The Expansive Group to explore what support could look like for you. I practice radical acceptance daily and love helping clients to understand and find their own ways to incorporate the skill. You can book a free consultation with me here. 

Image Credit: Hacks